Theo

Mark PMark P Posts: 2,310Member
Just over 8 weeks ago we had to say goodbye to our faithful companion of 10 years.
His heart medication which had given him an extra year of happy life was losing the battle and we had to avoid his succumbing to pain and suffering.
The most difficult decision of my life.

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That, and the pains of trying to move house, have meant I've been rather absent posting here recently.

The day after he passed peacefully away I wrote and recorded a piece of music and it then took over a month before I could manage to play anything even remotely worthwhile. Who said artistic creativity comes from pain!

I've tried to record a piece this weekend to remember Theo positively ... but it's not really worked. Maybe it'll happen later.
This is what I recorded a couple of months back - an improvisation where the opening motif appears 10 times, one for each year of Theo's life. The final 11th playing of the motif is deliberately out of tune for the year that was never completed.
At least it's an honest reflection of my feelings at the time.

https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13779477

Comments

  • MegiMegi Posts: 7,101Member
    I am very sorry to hear about your loss of Theo, Mark. And what a sad piece of music! but also quite interesting to listen to, and I do feel there's something "Celtic" about it. A great guitar sound too - I've recently equipped my laptop with a new dac and desktop speakers, so was able appreciate that.
  • Kevin PeatKevin Peat Posts: 3,071Member
    edited November 9
    I hear the grief in that sound.

    I spend every day dreading the loss of my dog. Please don't tell anyone. I've never loved something so much in my life. Isn't that silly ?

    I fully understand how lost and empty you must be and that is proof of your humanity.

    Theo was blessed with a near perfect life with you and blessed with a merciful ending. Take solace from that and the fact that you made all the right decisions for him.

    He only passed once but it is the nature of surviving that you will relive it over and over. Grieve and then work your way out of it. You seem to say that you're recovering but if you aren't then work is your path out of bereavement into a better state. One day soon you'll find yourself out of the dank cave, floating in that sunlit lagoon looking up at the sun.

    There's always a puppy shaped space in a dog lover's heart. When the time's right there'll be another little lad just waiting for a lovely man like you, his tail wagging. IF you can bear to put yourself through it again. Most days of dog ownership are bliss, remember.

    Bless you, Mark

    These words are as much a letter to my future self as they are to you but I hear you, buddy. I really do.
  • Mark PMark P Posts: 2,310Member
    Many thanks for your kind words Graham and Kevin - it does help me to hear your words! :smile:

    The words you open with are far from silly Kevin. In that you show your humanity and I have empathy with every word.

    When Theo was diagnosed with his heart condition reaching a serious level we put him on permanent medication once he'd recovered from the emergency treatment. We were told it could be just a few months that he had left, though the younger vet did suggest he might be good for a year. As it turned out a year was exactly right - we were lucky and blessed with that extra time.

    But when we knew if could just be a few months we decided that rather than wait until the end and then to be desperately looking for another companion we would do something straight away. So we do still have a lovely and affectionate dog (a Cocker called Tiree) to share our lives. Though Tiree will probably be the last dog for us if he lives a normal life span as we'll be getting too old to properly care for a dog, and we will be too likely to pre-decease them.

    But I can say that having Tiree did NOT make losing Theo, a wonderful friend, any easier.
    I get an enthusiastic morning welcome from Tiree but I still miss the quieter but just as affectionate greeting I got from Theo. I did have a closer connection with Theo than any dog that I've ever shared a house with. You're right about reliving it Kevin - every so often I get a really strong flashback to the vets room on that final day and it hits hard.

    I can't seem to keep "Celtic" out of my playing Graham - I guess it's down to how much I've concentrated on that genre in the past couple of years. The sound quality of an acoustic guitar that can be got from the portable Zoom H4n astonishes me.
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