Tucker's Maltings Beer Festival Disaster

Kevin PeatKevin Peat Posts: 3,139Member
edited April 2017 in Totally Not Guitars
I don't know if you heard it in the news...

I got lost and a search party was sent out for me at the Tucker's Maltings Beer festival. The band (extremely good blues guitarists) had to put out a PA announcement "Have you seen this man?"

All a bit of an over reaction by wifey, I'm afraid. She knows that when I get blind drunk I go off home on my biological 'sat nav'. What did she expect ? That I'd been dragged off into a bush or something ? I'm not even good looking anymore.


What 'appened (My excuse anyway) was that I'd gone to the festival with wifey and her best friend. When I'd gone to the bar they both went to the loo without telling. I came back to empty spaces - waited for 15 minutes, walked around... waited... walked around - how long was I supposed to do this ? I thought that they'd gone home and that I'd misunderstood the pre-departure-to-bar chat. (They'd been re-doing their make-up.)

So off I went - to meet them at the station, to which they had not went, from which I caught the train home on which they was not... whereby I had not key and failed to break into my own house... dog waiting keenly inside... me having picked up bread for morning toast and budget chicken for dog treats.

I sat there for two hours, feeding said dog through cat-flap... and when I refused to give him any more he proceeded to leave the house via said cat-flap ... with total ease !

I did not know he could do this. For years we've been leaving him 'secured' in the house not knowing that he could get out anyway. I was glad of the company and warmth as he cuddled up to me.

Wifey and search party arrive by taxi several hours later and it was "Well why didn't you check home first ?" and a bit of tiffing but we decided to leave it 'til morrow when heads were clearer. And how we laughed - after some headache pills of course.

The answer to this mystery is the seperate time-dimensions we had entered owing to me drinking dark ales and them light.

Dogbolter, Howling Monkey, Old Thespian No 5, Growler, Piston Broke.... you get where I was coming from/going to. Oblivion !


  • DaveBassDaveBass Posts: 3,311Member
    I believe there now exist devices called mobile phones, which are very handy in cases like this, as you can contact your wife even in the ladies' (probably). However, it does depend on both parties having phones, both having them turned on, both being in a good reception area, one party being able to hear their phone ringing, and one party knowing the other's number. Too dodgy to rely on!
  • Kevin PeatKevin Peat Posts: 3,139Member
    edited April 2017
    Well I never.

    I do have a phone but it's work's. I'm not worried about losing it but worried about forgetting to put it in my uniform pocket - so there it stays. It contains pass codes and emergency numbers which I am totally b****red without. It also has a natty little App called Track Locator which pinpoints me in miles and chains (railway language.) so I can call out the Thunderbird and let the crew know where I am.
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